The Power of Positive Thinking

Recently I saw a bubble gum machine full of little monkeys. So cute! I had to have one but guess who I got: A mocking monkey with a bad attitude. The truth is sometimes I feel just like how he looks. Even though he's kind of cute? Negativity is such a downer. I try really hard to always see the silver lining and focus on the positives.


As a bride you're bound to get frustrated. Possibly by anyone and everyone. From event professionals, to friends, family and even your fiance, people may get on your last nerve. So what's a bride to do? Well for starters I would say she should vent... Then quickly do whatever will bring the highest level of success in resolving the conflict. This could be confronting the person, accepting the situation as it is or mentally giving them a Mr. Monkey. But MOST IMPORTANTLY once you've dealt with it, you really need to move on. You've done all that you can. Don't dwell on it and harbor thoughts of negativity. They'll only cause more problems and suck the fun out of everything else you do.

Flirty Brides Don't Stay Mad

I should know. Even though I was a Flirty Bride? My own wedding was not without angst and drama. Disappointment, hurt feelings, many things occurred that had I allowed them to weigh on my mind? Could have ruined my wedding planning process and even my wedding day. But I refused to let that happen and simply moved on. When planning didn't go our way? We chose the next best option. We didn't dwell on "How we wanted things to be" or "What could have been" we just accepted the best solution available to us and didn't look back.

And guess what? We had a great wedding day. It was nothing but fun for both our guests and ourselves. No second thoughts. No regrets.

Here's some life advice that goes beyond weddings: Sometimes we may think it's ok to hang onto negativity because we think nobody will notice. But the truth is? Most often they do. Or we try to pass it off as humor. To some it might be funny, but others may see right through the facade. IMO venting and griping in general are separated by a very thin line. To me venting is what you do in the heat of the moment shortly after something that bothers you has happened. That's natural and a good way to get it out of your system so that you can move on. Griping and grudge holding, those are the two you have to watch out for. They're the ones that attract more negativity and may cause people to want to shy away from or avoid you.

It's been proven that if you think happy thoughts you'll be a happier person. So think positive! Dwelling on the negatives won't change anything. They'll just ruin your day.

If you have any tips or tricks for getting over wedding dramas or traumas by all means feel free to post them here!

What's the difference between a Wedding Coordinator and an Event Designer?

Both know and will recommend qualified professional, will help you to create a beautiful event, and will streamline your planning process. While some companies offer coordination and design services, others may specialize in one area of expertise offering coordinating or design, but not both. While there may be overlap between the two there are some major differences:

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

A Wedding Coordinator is an Organizer and Director

They will create ideas or execute your vision and offer assistance in critical areas such as budget, creating and following your timeline, and acting as your liaison with vendors pre-event day and day of. Making sure everyone is where they need to be, whether wedding party, vendor or guest, is one of a Coordinator's top priorities. A Coordinator can be a bride's best friend dealing with issues that arise on the wedding day and shielding their clients from as much stress as possible. A Coordinator will be there to calm you as your ceremony begins and will give your train and veil that one last fluff before you walk down the aisle.

Important to note: On the surface it may seem that a wedding coordinator, wedding consultant and wedding planner all describe the same occupation. Whether they do or not is open to debate. What is a fact is that not all Coordinators offer the same services. There will be someone out there who will be your best match so interview carefully making certain that you hire a coordinator whose services complement your needs.

Credentials: Many coordinators are certified and have received professional training through organizations like the Association of Bridal Consultants (ABC), Association of Certified Professional Wedding Consultants (ACPWC) or June Weddings, Inc. (JWI).

Their responsibilities: include planning, overseeing set-up day of, execution of the day of timeline, and tending to the needs of all of the people at the event from the bride and groom, to the wedding party, family and guests.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

An Event Designer is an Artist

They will be your visual elements expert. A Designer will provide an in-depth design concept for the "look" of your event whether creating one from scratch or bringing a clients' vision to fruition. A Designer will bring in or may even have custom props made, and will plan aesthetic details that rise above the norm in lighting, linens, furnishings and florals that reflect the same precision and detail as a magazine photo shoot or theatrical set design. From small, intimate gatherings, to events of absolute grandeur and distinction, an Event Designer will work with a clients' wishes and budget to create the perfect ambiance and atmosphere for their special occasion.

Important to note: A quality portfolio and presentation are essential to qualifying an event designer.

Credentials: There is no formal certification process for Event Designers. Because a strong sense of aesthetics is essential you will find that many Designers have backgrounds in the arts and/or interior design.

Their Responsibilities: You can expect your Designer to work with you pre-event and be on site as early as several days before the actual event to oversee the set up of the visual details.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

A special thanks to Michelle Barrionuevo-Mazzini, Jubilee Lau, Jean Marks, Lea McInotsh and Katherine Noller-Fernandez for reviewing this post pre-publishing and contributing their insights to help create the best, overall descriptions possible.

Tipping Suggestions: Part 2

My previous post about what not to give your professionals as a tip or gift stunned more then a few people. Several asked me if it was true. They just couldn't believe anyone would give pot as a gratuity. My answer is yes, it is a 100% true story.

So why would you tip an event professional? As a token of appreciation for a job well done or for providing exemplary service that went above and beyond what was called for in the contract.

Every professional I've ever talked to about this subject for over a decade has said that tips are never expected, but mean a lot when they do receive them because it means they did they did their job well, and their their efforts were noticed and appreciated.

I'll be the first to admit that tipping anywhere other then a restaurant can often be confusing. So when you're trying to figure out what to tip an event professional here are a few suggestion you might find helpful:


1. Word of mouth recommendations of their products or services to other people you know who are planning a similar event.
2. A heartfelt thank you note or card, especially when hand written may be a better option then a modest cash tip. Nobody should ever feel obligated to give more then they can afford, but it may be worth it to note that a small dollar amount for a cash tip may accidentally be misunderstood as a sign of dissatisfaction, similar to under tipping at a restaurant.
3. Offer to write a post for them in your blog if you have one. A well deserved rave is always appreciated, especially if it includes a link to their website.
4. If your toasts are going to be short, acknowledging them by name during the toasts as a thank you would be a wonderful surprise to most professionals.

More traditional ideas of course include cash or a gift. I know a few people who have received tips of a thousand dollars or more. One was offered free limo service to and from the airport for a year. Sweet! Others were treated to dinners, trips and tickets to shows. One colleague told me they once received a $1000 gift certificate to Gucci. Gotta love that!

Things to avoid:

1. Street drugs. LOL

2. Re-gifted items, especially gift cards or certificates to specialty stores that may not be of any interest to the recipient.. If you feel your vendor sincerely gave you 100% of their attention and expertise? Why not do the same when choosing an appropriate way to express your gratitude?

One vendor I know once received a $25 gift certificate to Casa De Fruta that required a 100 mile round trip to redeem. I'm sure some would have found such a gift less then ideal. But being a good sport the recipient thought it was a great and made the 2 hour trek down to Hollister and back to San Jose for some dried fruits and nuts. A few years ago I can see where it might not have been a big deal. With today's gas prices? Proximity to redeeming a gift certificate might be worth some consideration. LOL

Tipping an event professional isn't like tipping a waiter or waitress. It's not a set percentage expected after each event. After taking a poll amongst some of my industry colleagues it would seem that tipping is a very fluid gesture that knows no boundaries. While some professionals receive tips 80% to 90% of the time, others receive them as infrequently as 10% of the time.

Personally I've had clients that surprised me with a tip or gift in the past and it didn't matter if it was a thank you note with a photo from the wedding, a box of chocolates (they'd read my blog lol), a plant for my garden, or cash. I was always kind of surprised, because as an accessory designer I would fall into the less then 10% of the time category. Over the years I've had several clients who invited me to their weddings as a guest. That meant a lot. The gesture always reaffirmed that I'd done a good job and my efforts were appreciated.

For my own wedding we paid more for our professionals to receive the same meal as our guests instead of a cold, brown bag sandwich. I also helped a couple of them customize their blog templates and am planning to send all of them something special on our first anniversary. Shhhhhh if you know them don't tell them. And if you're one of them act surprised ok? LOL

Gifts and Tips • Part 1: What Not to Give

You're wedding was a huge success. Everything was great. And much to your delight you noticed that some of the professionals you hired rose to the occasion exceeding your expectations helping to make your wedding everything you had hoped for and more.

To acknowledge their efforts you've decided to give them a tip or gift... But what?

Well for starters, don't give a gift that could wind them up in the slammer. 

I know, right now you're thinking "She has GOT to be kidding!"

Incredibly, I'm not. 

Suffice to say I personally know a professional who did such a wonderful job that their client gave them a gift as a token of appreciation. While driving home the professional noticed a strange odor in their car. *Sniff sniff* what was that smell? Finally it dawned on them that it must be "the gift." They opened it up and lo and behold there inside was marijuana! That's right! I'm talkin' pot, grass, weed, hash, Mary Jane, dope, reefer, Maui-Wowie.. OK I don't know if it came from Hawaii but I'm not real hip on drug lingo and that was one name I remembered hearing years ago.

Had this person been in the habit of smoking "weed" they might have thought "cooooool" when they saw their "tip." Instead they proceeded to freak out about "what if" the police were to pull them over for a moving violation? Would the cops believe that they were an innocent mule who was unwittingly transporting an illegal substance and committing a misdemeanor punishable by up to 6 months in jail along with a $500 fine? Probably not, would be my guess.

At the first opportunity they pulled into a gas station and tossed the "gift" into a garbage can. I know some of you are thinking "what a waste" but I would have done the same thing.

Can you imagine if they had been pulled over? And the police asked where the "gift" came from? And they went to the venue and arrested a bride on her wedding day? Not good. Or what if the wedding professional was married to a cop? Or someone in their family was in law enforcement? You get my drift. So while this seems like a no brainer it bears saying that no matter how happy you are with the way your wedding or event turned out: Do not tip your professionals with street drugs that could land them, or yourself, in the pokey.

In my next post I'll offer some ideas on great ways to show appreciation to your professionals, especially if you feel they went above and beyond their job description, with no-cost, low-cost, and completely over-the-top extravagant ideas some of my industry colleagues recently shared with me!

 

The First Dance: Sound Advice by Professional DJ Ron Grandia

Visit Ron Grandia's profile on The Flirty Guide by CLICKING HERE.

The first dance is always one of my favorite parts of any wedding reception. It's great fun for the couple and everyone in attendance, and a wonderfully symbolic moment that helps to set the mood for rest of the evening, and will hopefully become a theme for the rest of their lives together. As a DJ, this is often one of the first things I discuss with my clients.

Of course, there are the obvious songs: At Last, Unforgettable, What A Wonderful World, and a few others that one might hear frequently at other weddings.

But the couples I work with come to me for a custom-tailored and personalized wedding reception. If they ask for help with a first dance song, rather than give them some crusty list of tunes to which they have no personal connection, we start talking about songs that are particularly meaningful to THEM!

The results are always surprising and pleasing, and helps make the evening more fun and personal.

I will share with you how I help people nail down a great first dance song that they will treasure for decades.

First - I ask lots of questions. What songs were popular when they started dating? What song was playing when they first kissed? What songs do they listen to when they are taking road-trips? - anything that gives us hints about who these people are together. Usually a perfect first dance song is hidden in there somewhere waiting to be discovered. It's amazing to see ideas surface that they never would have thought of otherwise, like a recent couple that had been dating since high-school who gave me a mix-tape that he made her (Yes, on CASSETTE!) We uncovered a perfect song that had deep personal meaning for the both of them, and I got a boatload of other songs to sprinkle throughout the rest of the night.

My criteria for a good first dance song are fairly simple -

1) Think long-term. Once you hit the floor on your wedding-day, this will forever be your First-Dance song. Consider how you might feel about the song in 5,10,15 years and farther down the road. Songs that are popular now could seem a little dated or not have much significance to your future selves.

2) Watch the pace. Not too fast, not too slow. First dance songs with a little bounce to them are easier to dance to. You don't need to be Fred and Ginger, but it's nice to have a song that will give you the opportunity to do more than turn slow circles like you're in Middle School. Something like Sam Cooke's You Send Me is still pretty slow, but has little bounce that carries the song, and the dance, along.

3) Words mean things. Listen to the song. look up the lyrics online. Think about the meaning. Sometimes the melody can be misleading, One of my favorite tunes Dream a Little Dream of Me turns out to be about two lovers parting. Unchained Melody is song of unrequited love. Patsy Cline's Crazy is about the broken hearted-est song ever and should not be played within 300 feet of newlyweds, yet it tops many first dance lists.

4) Leave 'em wanting more! It's a wonderful moment, but the novelty wears off for the newlyweds and and the audience fairly quickly. Some songs can top 4 minutes or more, and though it does not sound like long, most couples start looking lost after about two minutes or so. The remaining time can feel awkward. Unless there is a perfect break in the middle of a song, fading it out can seem abrupt, so I keep a keen eye on the timing and offer to edit the song for length but still preserve the natural ending. This leads us to the...

5) Big finish! The crowning glory of a great first dance song is a nice flourish at the end. A Kiss To Build A Dream On has a nice subtle "Tadaaaaa" at the end that's perfect for a little dance floor dip, while something like Bobby Darin's More ends with a big POW that always gets a big roar from guests.

Of course you can throw all of these criteria right out the window if there is a song that you absolutely have to have for your own personal reasons. If there is a song that is undeniably you, ignore all the suggestions and just go for it.

Last year one couple used Elvin Bishop's Fooled Around and Fell in Love. I had the good sense to just write it down and move on. I sensed that doing otherwise might reveal too much information.

The all-time weirdest so far: Manfred Mann's Do Wah Diddy. When I introduced the couple and played it, people stood slack jawed for a moment and then the house filled with laughter and cheers - it was SO them!

Here are some of my favorite suggestions for First Dance songs:

Till There was you - Beatles
Too Marvelous For Words - Ella Fitzgerald
I Hear a Symphony - Supremes
When I Grow Too Old to Dream - Nat King Cole
Cheek to Cheek - Peggy Lee
Don't Look Back - Temptations
Never Found Me a Girl (That Treats Me Like You) - Al Green
A Kiss to Build a Dream On - Louis Armstrong
Tenderly - Roberta Flack
This Magic Moment - Ben E. King
The Best is Yet to Come - Nancy Wilson
It Had to be You - Ray Charles
All I Do is Dream of You - Dean Martin
More - Roy Orbison
You Send Me - Sam Cooke
Just the Way You Look Tonight - Little Jimmy Scott
Melt With You - Nouvelle Vague
Love to See You Smile - Randy Newman*

*My First Dance with my gorgeous, long-suffering wife, Monica August 4th 1990.

Visit Ron Grandia's profile on The Flirty Guide by CLICKING HERE.

The Flirty Guide on Cafepress

Since more of you were interested in a product line then being our Bride of the Day, BOTD is on hiatus for now. Don't worry though, it will return... someday.

For years I've had clients tell me that I needed to develop a product line with the logo from my custom accessory business The Flirty Bride. I would just laugh and tell them I didn't have the time. Well lately I've had more interest from people wanting Flirty Girl items then brides wanting to send in their photos for the Bride of the Day feature. So I figured why fight it? Give the people what they want. Starting this morning you will find several items in our new Cafepress Gift Shop. And each week you'll find more new items and designs.

Custom designs will be available when time permits. I'll be creating a rate page soon along with other fun stationary items like greeting cards, shower invitations and thank you cards.

How to Choose the Perfect Bridal Veil

When I first developed my Flirty Bride website I thought it was important to share as much information as possible with brides online to help them choose the perfect veil that suited not only their taste but would also complement their hairstyle, gown, formality of their wedding and the venue.

On the FAQ page you will find all kinds of illustrations and comments to help you narrow down the perfect veil for your wedding day! If you have any additional questions just drop me an email. I'll be happy to answer them for you.